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Jack stands on the viewing platform
overlooking Multnomah Falls. No one else is there but the Imp of the Perverse.
It’s a phrase he got from Edgar Allan Poe. Okay, it’s a phrase he got from the New Yorker, quoting Edgar Allan Poe.
It
was an article on Lesch-Nyhan, a syndrome that causes its victims to respond to
urges of self-mutilation. Patients have bitten off their own fingers, gouged
out their own eyeballs, chewed off their own lips. One man referred to his left
hand as “the evil hand,” the one that would sometimes punch his own face,
knocking out teeth. The best defense was to strap it to the arm of his
wheelchair.
But
here’s the thing: we all receive the
signals, probably from the basal ganglia. Jack recalls driving a farmland
highway with no meridian, a week after his layoff. The Imp leaned forward from
the back seat and whispered in his ear: one
little nudge of the wheel, one tiny motor function, into the grille of that
oncoming truck. Problem solved. But Jack couldn’t stand the thought of
involving the truck-driver – as killer or co-fatality – so instead he chewed on
a fingernail.
The
week-long drive was a healthy stab at positivity – an effort to flee the dark
cave of his daily life – but it left him open to the Imp. Even standing on the
old mid-falls bridge – the one that provided such a graceful foreground for all
the postcards – he had not seen the potential of all that height, but the Imp
attached himself to a pantleg halfway up the trail, and now Jack could not deny
the beauty of his plan. The second-highest falls in North America, Multnomah
offered a spectacular exit, and the access was surprisingly easy. All he had to
do was vault a moderate stone wall, plant his feet on a narrow ledge and jump,
falling through a gentle cloud of mist to a gathering of rocks that would
finish the job. The Imp stood behind him, nudging him forward.
Jack
returns from his vision to find one foot already atop the railing. He doesn’t
remember putting it there. Two more motor functions – the press of two arms on
the railing, the swing of his left leg over the top – and an unstoppable
momentum will be set into motion.
In
the end, it is his greatest weakness – a bleeding self-consciousness – that
saves his life. He glances over his shoulder at the darkening trail, and
immediately feels like an idiot – worrying about witnesses when he’s about to
leap to his death. In the meantime, the lowering sun slides between the
overcast and the horizon, painting the wide swath of falling water in an orange
light. When Jack looks forward, his arms tensing for the lift, his glance falls
on a projecting rock on the far side of the rush, and what he sees is a house
engulfed in flames. He freezes in place, his arms relax, and he slides his foot
back to the ground.
The
Imp, who has already lighted a victory cigar, sinks back down the trail,
hacking and cursing. Jack watches the house until the flames die out, then
turns and begins his retreat. As he nears the bottom, he realizes how hungry he
is and jogs to the snack bar, where he devours a plate of fries as Multnomah
roars into the darkness.
Photo by MJV
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