Monday, January 7, 2013

Musical Jokes!

What to do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend? Homeless.

Who's that guy walking with the musicians? It's the drummer!

A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the E string." The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the A string." The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, "So did you learn the D string today?" "Nah. Had a gig."

How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one: he holds the lightbulb in place and waits for the world to revolve around him.

It takes three sopranos to screw in a lightbulb. One to screw in the bulb, one to kick out the chair, and a third to say, "I could have done it better."

How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high.

What's the definition of a mezzo?
A soprano who can sightread.

"An opera is a performance in which a soprano and a tenor want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone." --George Bernard Shaw

A female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' tonight... but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?"
Keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G#minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars!"
She claims, "that might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!"
Keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!"

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